"How can we learn and grow if we stay silent about money?"

+ Dopamine hunting, Mint Twirls, and milk on the doorstep

Hi and welcome to The Ladybird Purse, my weekly newsletter about women and money. I’m not a financial advisor and am not qualified to give financial advice.

This week, I have mostly been pondering the grocery bill. I managed to get it down to £107.99. I didn’t do a big shop, so I think that must be the key. We’ll see. I also signed up with a milkman (honestly thrilling to open the door and find milk - and, this morning, a soaking wet carton of eggs - just right there, waiting for me!) and ordered a veg box (Oddbox) with the first to arrive on Wednesday, so we’ll see if they help keep costs down.

The other thing I’ve started doing (again) is putting 10% of any income into savings. My income generally arrives in dribs and drabs so I’m not talking great chunks of cash - so far I don’t think any of the transfers have been for more than a tenner. I think I’d struggle to put 10% away if thousands suddenly came in, but that doesn’t seem likely to happen any time soon.

When I’m not earning much, I stop saving and often transfer any savings I’ve managed to accumulate back into my main account, but then I worry that I don’t have a cushion. So I’m trying to balance all the things and so far 10% seems doable and not too scary. And as soon as I have enough put away, I’ll stick it in an account with more limited access, so I’m not tempted to dip into it when I inevitably get panicky.

I’d be interested to know if you have a regular saving routine or if it’s more ad hoc. Let me know in the comments (or you can always hit reply if you’re reading on email).

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An interview with… a 40-something health practitioner and occasional children’s author

When you build a habit of sharing a portion of your income, I found an odd sense of having more than enough for ourselves.

Why do you think women are often reluctant to talk about money?

In Australian culture, issues with talking about money aren’t limited to women. 'Never talk about politics, religion, or money!' was the catch-cry of society when I was growing up. It was espoused as an ideal for ‘keeping the peace’ at the time, but on reflection now, I can see that it just meant that people were held in place, and important issues weren’t addressed because they were silenced.

In spite of this culture, I like to be quite open about all three of those forbidden things, and I deeply value the handful of friends with whom I can talk about money openly. How are we supposed to learn and grow if we stay silent? I also find being open about my finances helps to hold me more accountable to my goals.

When I was growing up, my parents were involved in two very large and well-known multi-level marketing companies (with reputable products, thankfully). As a kid, we were dragged along to events and meetings where the adults in the room talked openly about what they had earned and their financial goals. It was generally a ploy to draw people into the business, or to motivate existing clients to sell more products; but I think that seeing this behaviour modelled made me feel less awkward about talking about money in adulthood.

What is your relationship with money currently?

I have always had a complicated relationship with money, but I’m working on it. I have a well-paid career (experienced self-employed health professional, generally AUD low six figures), but also, I do sometimes struggle not to spend more than I earn.

I was diagnosed with ADHD last year, and have recognised that my spending habits are “dopamine hunting,” wherein I’m seeking a dopamine reward from a new purchase. I am working really hard to notice and challenge this behaviour in myself since understanding where it comes from. I’m getting better at it, but it’s still a struggle some days. New shiny objects are a very quick and effective dopamine hit!

That said, in other ways I am really good with money. I have a good head for business. I value the services I provide and charge a rate that is reasonable, but is reflective of my skills and experience. I never feel guilty about billing for my time, as I value it and my skill set. I do all my own bookkeeping and I budget into multiple accounts so I always have money set aside in separate accounts to pay for taxes, annual bills, quarterly bills, and monthly bills.

I’m really good at paying off debts quickly, when I need to. And I’m getting much better at saving. I have a buffer of $6K set aside at the moment for emergencies. I’m even hilariously skilled at gamifying airline miles/points systems, such that I’ve managed to work out how to get free international flights every couple of years. I’ve genuinely worked hard to build these skills!

Since the ADHD diagnosis, I’ve also recognised that I need to set more limits for myself with regard to my various collections of things. Impulse control issues with spending money on collections is probably my most prominent symptom. I’m currently going through my home and selling things on eBay and Facebook Marketplace that I no longer use, but that have some value.

I’m reducing the range of things I collect, and I’m being compassionate but stern with myself about my wardrobe and new things I take a fancy to. It’s a work in progress, but I am genuinely proud of how hard I’m working to change behaviours that don’t lead to helpful or healthy places financially. I want a financially secure retirement, and I’m going to work to make that happen.

What’s your earliest money memory?

My Nana sending money in a birthday card in the post! It was such a big deal as a little kid in the 1980s getting cash to spend!

What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?

Not paying myself superannuation (pension fund) for the first ten years I was self-employed. I do pay this now!

What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?

Two things:

1. Some leadership and personal development courses I did back in 2008-2013. I learned so much about myself, and was able to step into confidence and purpose in a way that I don’t think I could have without that support and inspiration. What I learned in those courses gave me the courage to leave full-time employment and move into self-employment, which has given me flexibility to work fewer hours at better pay. Investing in your education and personal development is very rarely a waste, in my experience, because at some level you get to determine the investment return!

2. My house. I rented the same townhouse for 13 years before my husband and I built our home. I had some financial trauma about home ownership that led me to feel I could never own my own place. It took some work, but I’m incredibly grateful to have housing stability now and a home that should suit our needs into old age. As a kid, we’d moved eight times by the time I was 19, and I moved three more times after that. If I stay in this house until my final day on Earth, and never have to move again, I’ll be very happy!

Housing insecurity/instability is a big issue in Australia, particularly for women over 55, so I am very grateful that I am in my own home. Our rental market at the moment is horrifying.

Do you have a pension/retirement fund? If not, do you have a plan?

I have a superannuation fund, although it doesn’t have a great deal in it (~$30K), but I also own a 33.33% share in a rental property ($900K), which is a large component of my financial goals for retirement. It’s still mostly owned by the bank, but we have an excellent tenant, and it’s a really good long-term investment in a great suburb. In addition, our home has significantly increased in value since we built it, and it is comforting to know that we have an asset that we can sell if we ever have a dire need to do so.

I remember us talking years ago about how you donated 10% of your income to charity. Can you tell me a bit about that?  

I don’t quite donate 10% of my income anymore, but we did for a number of years. It was driven by some leadership training we did that talked about the importance of sowing into the good in the world. Not only this, but when you build a habit of sharing a portion of your income, I found an odd sense of having “more than enough” for ourselves, and genuinely felt there was a psychological benefit in this, particularly as I grew up with a family who struggled financially.

I think that no matter where we are financially, it’s important to find ways to give back to our communities. It doesn’t have to be with money… sometimes it’s with skills, time, information, or other supports. I feel tremendously fortunate that I can provide in more than one way.

With regard to where to donate… The advice we were given was to “go where your heart is” and mine is for children in poverty, and young people with mental health challenges. While we’re not at 10% of income donations currently (alas, mortgages and rising interest rates affect these things!), we continue to support two charities every month. We sponsor a number of children across five continents; and a local not-for-profit that supports university students to find support and acceptance in an inclusive community. It’s just such a wonderful and genuine community that when they approached me, I happily said yes to supporting them!

I also donate my time and expertise to this community. I speak to the students about a range of mental health topics once a semester, and it’s always a highlight of my year. I love being able to speak frankly with young people about life challenges and finding hope in difficulty, and my talks are always so warmly received that it’s a delight to return!

What would you do with $10,000?

Put it in mortgage offset. We’re on a low fixed rate at the moment, which expires in December, and interest rates have risen quite significantly in Australia in the last 12 months.

If you were me, what would you want to ask women about money?

I’d love to hear more from women who have amazing budgeting systems. I love a good “how to”! Also, any ADHD+Money hacks would be very welcome! :D

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Funnily enough, I had already planned a recommendation. I’m finding this podcast super interesting in general and the episode on ADHD and money is great.