I sooooo agree about how disappointing most money books are! I think it comes from the common perspective of people with financial stability that they got there because of mindset, ignoring the structural staircase that supported them the whole way.
Absolutely this. I remember one that was like 'you can always make more money - you just have to feel comfortable asking for a raise!' Like it's that simple! Also, I am self-employed - I can ask myself for a raise, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no.
"Most of the time I think I’m pretty great but that doesn’t seem to be magically making money appear in my account." As much as I'd love to work on myself in therapy, I know a lottery win would help at least some of my concerns just float away. :)
This reminds me of that sex and the city quote by carrie - "the only thing a girl needs to get a date is another date." I really think that the thing that heals our relationship with money is SOME MONEY. I don't even (just) mean interest on savings. It's just as much that, as soon as you can relax and not feel terrified of scarcity they our nervous system can settle and we can start to make bolder, more potentially lucrative choices, and/or use our time to invest in ourselves. Very hard to do that if you are living hand to mouth and terrified of debt.
Yes! Actual money can not only fix the financial problems but makes it a lot easier to deal with the financial worries too. (Also I am literally watching And Just Like That right now. And I am also online because this show is awful.)
Brilliant. I’m a bit of a self-help addict and fall into this trap repeatedly. i’m also self employed in a fickle industry where self-help-talk and myth-making have a lot of room to flourish. Thank you for this reminder that sometimes (often) it’s not about embodying my worth, it’s about the money.
Same! It reminds me of when I started writing and was constantly looking for the "secret". And then I spoke to an author who said "there's no secret; just write the book." Argh! :D
Hmm yeah I have chatted to Louise quite a bit but I am interested in how she feels about her capacity to earn in service based work. What the mix of IRL and online might look like - I love her vision.
I share your frustration, Keris. I think those financial gurus have twisted the truth: Money only solves money problems. Bigger problems do lie within, though (hear me out), which is why the "self-worth = net worth" math came about. That, too, is deeper than just, "Hey! I like myself!" Look at lottery winners. If money was the sole (soul?) solution, they'd all be living their dreams when, statistically, many (most) end up worse off (like, way worse) than before the win. Money then becomes the problem, when we believe it's the panacea. I'll spare you the polyvagal theory and needing to feel safe and all that (but safe is part of self-worthing). As someone who hit the skids and stayed skidding for a long, looooong time, it's more than mantras or mindset that will shift the scarcity. It is altering our perspective on how we see ourselves and our situations (which are not always in our control), knowing where we're at energetically (yep, vibe-wise, and that grosses me out at much as anyone), and making changes. I'm saying this as someone who had/has deep money issues (bankrupt at 25; hit hard by both the Dot Com bubble bursting and 2008, each time when I was freelance; don't come from money or have family as a backup). When I finally started crawling out of that hole, it took me five years and some uncomfortable (for my ego) choices to finally clear it. No books got me there, though. (Is there a likeable financial expert?) It's a little chicken-and-egg with the self-worth/more money coming in thing; like a dance where each side takes turn as the lead. Don't think for a moment I don't worry that the rug will be pulled out from under me again, though. But that's also part of the work. The fun keeps going. Excited for your money coaching endeavor, Keris! Wishing you epic success! xo
Thanks Keris! Totally on point as ever with self worth ≠ net worth. My net worth has far exceeded my self worth for most of my life. Right now, they are paradoxically reversed!
Thanks for sharing our interview, looking forward to next month’s chat :)
I'm a new subscriber. Really enjoyed your take and the interview. Gosh, "boost your self worth to boost your net worth" would piss me off too. For all the reasons you say and because humans have inherent worth just by existing. I'm not sure I get exactly it means to "boost" that.
I love your interviews Keris. Each and every one of them makes me think about how my own relationship with money has been shaped and my sister, who now lives in Taiwan, and I have had many conversations about our childhood and its impact on both us, provoked by reading them
I sooooo agree about how disappointing most money books are! I think it comes from the common perspective of people with financial stability that they got there because of mindset, ignoring the structural staircase that supported them the whole way.
Absolutely this. I remember one that was like 'you can always make more money - you just have to feel comfortable asking for a raise!' Like it's that simple! Also, I am self-employed - I can ask myself for a raise, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to say no.
"Most of the time I think I’m pretty great but that doesn’t seem to be magically making money appear in my account." As much as I'd love to work on myself in therapy, I know a lottery win would help at least some of my concerns just float away. :)
And it would be so much easier to work on yourself (myself) with that financial cushion in place.
That's an excellent distinction between money problems and money worries.
Isn't it! I can't believe I forgot it after reading it the first time.
"You can’t fix a financial problem with money."
This reminds me of that sex and the city quote by carrie - "the only thing a girl needs to get a date is another date." I really think that the thing that heals our relationship with money is SOME MONEY. I don't even (just) mean interest on savings. It's just as much that, as soon as you can relax and not feel terrified of scarcity they our nervous system can settle and we can start to make bolder, more potentially lucrative choices, and/or use our time to invest in ourselves. Very hard to do that if you are living hand to mouth and terrified of debt.
Yes! Actual money can not only fix the financial problems but makes it a lot easier to deal with the financial worries too. (Also I am literally watching And Just Like That right now. And I am also online because this show is awful.)
I've heard such bad things I can't bear to watch it! 🙈
I think I might have to give up. I can't believe how bad it is!
I read about the big hat and about Aidan in the car 🤮 and I just cannot let it tarnish the memory of how smart SATC was in its heyday.
The big hat was funny. Aidan in the car was horrifying. The last two season were not great but I enjoyed them even so. This season is dreadful.
They have destroyed my memories of Aidan. 😳 He's so grim in this timeline.
Brilliant. I’m a bit of a self-help addict and fall into this trap repeatedly. i’m also self employed in a fickle industry where self-help-talk and myth-making have a lot of room to flourish. Thank you for this reminder that sometimes (often) it’s not about embodying my worth, it’s about the money.
Same! It reminds me of when I started writing and was constantly looking for the "secret". And then I spoke to an author who said "there's no secret; just write the book." Argh! :D
Brilliant interview Keris and Louise! Thanks for sharing as you go through navigating all the exciting changes! ✨✨
Thanks, Claire! Any questions for the zoom chat?
Hmm yeah I have chatted to Louise quite a bit but I am interested in how she feels about her capacity to earn in service based work. What the mix of IRL and online might look like - I love her vision.
Fab. Thank you!
You mean I have to start earning at some point? 🫣
I share your frustration, Keris. I think those financial gurus have twisted the truth: Money only solves money problems. Bigger problems do lie within, though (hear me out), which is why the "self-worth = net worth" math came about. That, too, is deeper than just, "Hey! I like myself!" Look at lottery winners. If money was the sole (soul?) solution, they'd all be living their dreams when, statistically, many (most) end up worse off (like, way worse) than before the win. Money then becomes the problem, when we believe it's the panacea. I'll spare you the polyvagal theory and needing to feel safe and all that (but safe is part of self-worthing). As someone who hit the skids and stayed skidding for a long, looooong time, it's more than mantras or mindset that will shift the scarcity. It is altering our perspective on how we see ourselves and our situations (which are not always in our control), knowing where we're at energetically (yep, vibe-wise, and that grosses me out at much as anyone), and making changes. I'm saying this as someone who had/has deep money issues (bankrupt at 25; hit hard by both the Dot Com bubble bursting and 2008, each time when I was freelance; don't come from money or have family as a backup). When I finally started crawling out of that hole, it took me five years and some uncomfortable (for my ego) choices to finally clear it. No books got me there, though. (Is there a likeable financial expert?) It's a little chicken-and-egg with the self-worth/more money coming in thing; like a dance where each side takes turn as the lead. Don't think for a moment I don't worry that the rug will be pulled out from under me again, though. But that's also part of the work. The fun keeps going. Excited for your money coaching endeavor, Keris! Wishing you epic success! xo
Thanks, Sandra. And, yes, totally agree - they’re definitely not mutually exclusive - but of course it’s not as simple as this book makes out.
Thanks Keris! Totally on point as ever with self worth ≠ net worth. My net worth has far exceeded my self worth for most of my life. Right now, they are paradoxically reversed!
Thanks for sharing our interview, looking forward to next month’s chat :)
Thanks, me too. And that’s so interesting re the reversal! May well ask you more about that!
I'm a new subscriber. Really enjoyed your take and the interview. Gosh, "boost your self worth to boost your net worth" would piss me off too. For all the reasons you say and because humans have inherent worth just by existing. I'm not sure I get exactly it means to "boost" that.
Thanks, Andrea! And yes! That’s a very good point.
I love your interviews Keris. Each and every one of them makes me think about how my own relationship with money has been shaped and my sister, who now lives in Taiwan, and I have had many conversations about our childhood and its impact on both us, provoked by reading them
Thanks so much, Paula. That’s so good to hear.
This has broken the assumption that I had that if you are in the medical field you always have options, good financial options.
That must be very unsettling and upsetting when you lost your job. I hope you find a good fit for you and your family soon. xx