"When I’m catastrophizing about life in general, that includes how I feel about money."

+ what's the best thing you've read about money recently?

Hi and welcome to The Ladybird Purse, my weekly newsletter about women and money. I’m not a financial advisor and not qualified to give financial advice.

I was planning to write about my one weird habit of deferring getting paid but I’ve read so many fantastic money pieces over the past few days that I’m going to share them and save my thing for next week.

First up is this post from the wonderful Katy Wheatley. Katy and I are the same age and I’m only now (slowly) coming to the realisation that I’m not and never have been bad with money. I just have never had enough and have always wanted to live my life anyway.

Work it because you're worth it

This post from the ever excellent Dana Miranda instantly wiped out a chunk of money shame I’ve been hanging onto for about, ooh, 33 years.

Money is mostly vibes

Every single word of this post from Amie McNee (including the footnote):

I didn't want a job

And this one from Marianne Power highlights something I expect many of us are wondering about:

Do I need a pension if the world's about to end?

What’s the best thing you’ve read about money lately?

This week’s interview is with one of my favourite Substackers, Noha Beshir, who writes Letters from a Muslim Woman.

And I don’t just say that because she’s almost as obsessed with my cat as I am.

Gratuitous Noodles

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An interview with Noha Beshir

Noha Beshir is an essayist and poet living in Ottawa, Canada with her husband and two boys. As a recovering people-pleaser and third culture kid, her writing explores themes of Muslim and Arab identity, mental health, and the multi-generational immigrant experience.

What is your relationship with money currently?

I’d say my overall relationship with money is healthy, because I’ve got a lot of the elements in place that support a healthy relationship: a stable income, savings, retirement pension, regular budget, etc.

That said, my emotional relationship with money fluctuates based on how I’m doing overall with my anxiety. When I’m catastrophizing about life in general, that includes how I feel about money. When I’m able to focus on gratitude and all my blessings, I’m able to extend that to money, too.

What’s your earliest money memory?

It’s hard to say if this is the earliest memory, but the one that pops into my head is going to the store across the street from my school in 3rd grade with a twenty and buying way too many chocolate bars. The cashier was an older woman and she looked at me suspiciously and said, “does your mom know you’re buying all this?” and I lied and said yes but I was so mortified!

I kept those chocolate bars in my backpack and ate them over the next few days.

What advice would you give your younger self about money?

Think about what you want your money to do for you and for others. It doesn’t have to just buy you stuff. It can mean more free time or exposure to experiences and things you want to learn, and it can also mean helping people who have less materially than you do.

For years I found thinking about money intimidating, so I avoided it. And in a society that’s hyper focussed on materialism, it’s easy to overlook the experiential, security, and spiritual aspects of what money can do for you, and only perceive it as a source of capital.

What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?

Taking too long to invest even though I had the spare cash for it. I was fortunate to start a steady job with a good salary straight out of university, but I found investing super intimidating so I just left money sitting in the bank.

Two things made me nervous about investing:

a) I found the jargon overwhelming and scary, and b) there are specific finance rules as a Muslim that I didn’t want to break (rules around avoiding interest, weapons, alcohol, etc)….

Then, because I was so nervous about investing, the first time I did it I just let a family friend handle my finances, and didn’t see much in the way of results so that turned me off even more.

A few years ago I took a course from Girls That Invest and it demystified the whole thing for me. Ever since, I’ve been investing regularly and tracking my progress. I still kick myself for wasting 15 years of growth time, though.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?

This one is hard. Probably the house we bought a few years ago in the neighbourhood where I grew up. We love it here and I especially love taking the kids to the same places I loved when I was little. Cycling down the Ottawa River Pathway with them the way my dad did with my sisters and I. Watching them skate on the same outdoor rink. Taking them to pray in the same mosque. I’m so grateful to get to relive these experiences with them.

The other thing is a trip my husband and I took a couple of years ago to the Andalusian region of Spain. As a third culture kid who’s been a minority my whole life, I’ve always had this disconnect around all the ways that the Muslim experience can permeate culture, beyond a series of rules. When I was little, being Muslim meant I didn’t celebrate Christmas and I didn’t eat pepperoni on my Pizza.

Seeing the Islamic history in Spain was an epiphany for me. It gave me this view into Islamic art, architecture, food, history, and so much more. It added layers to my identity I didn’t even know I was craving!

Do you have a retirement fund? If not, do you have a plan?

I’m very fortunate that my workplace has a solid pension plan that both I and my employer pay into, and that’s my main retirement plan. Separately, as a Canadian I also have access to several government provided resources, including the Canada Pension Plan and Old Age Security, which I’m very grateful for.

What would you do with $10,000?

I’d take a couple of months off work and go on a writing retreat somewhere in the woods or by the sea to finish my memoir.

What little luxury could you get with a tenner?

This is so basic but it’s an oat milk vanilla latte from our local coffee shop. Ideally the latte would come with a date (either with my husband, one of my girlfriends, or on a solo writing date with my laptop).

If you were me, what would you want to ask women about money?

I guess not women specifically but parents: I see kids with just a lot more stuff than I remember having when I was younger (I sound like a grumpy old man talking at clouds lol)...

But anyway, what I’m trying to get at is that the expectation for luxury items and expensive goods seems to start a lot younger: phones, brand name clothes, etc. How do you balance that if you have kids? Where does it fit in your overall budget, and if you’re being thrifty on some of these expensive items so you can save for their education, how do you have that conversation with them when they just want the same shiny Macbook that all their friends have?

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THE LATEST POST ON MY OTHER SUBSTACK, HAPPY ENDINGS…

My mum at the 1964-65 New York World’s Fair

"I have to keep telling myself that I (Maureen Stevens) am actually in New York!"