"Don’t let your ego be attached to the numbers."

And how I learned this exact lesson last week!

Hi and welcome to The Ladybird Purse, my weekly newsletter about women and money. I’m not a financial advisor and not qualified to give financial advice. Turns out, I can barely even manage a spreadsheet.

I have, over the past few years, kept a running spreadsheet of income and expenses that I then use to do my tax return. I started when I split up with my ex-husband and we needed to pro-rata payments related to our boys. It also means I have an idea of how much I’ve made and how much tax I’m likely to owe come January. And over the last few years it hasn’t been much.

I did a quick calculation a couple of weeks ago and I owed £12. Last week, I double-checked the figures and found I’d miscalculated and actually owed £1300. Oh. Oh no.

A few years ago I’d ended up owing much more than that and the tax office told me I could pay it off in instalments. What they couldn’t/wouldn’t do is make it possible for me to do that. I made many phone calls and spoke to many helpful people who promised to sort it out for me and never did.

This was them, not me.

I also spoke to one man who suggested I remortgage or sell my house. To pay a £6000 bill? Sir. Be serious. I sent actual letters in the post and nothing. Eventually, after we did sell our house following our separation, I was able to pay it and I was happy to. And it cured me of any fear I’d had of not being able to pay my tax.

Tax aside, I felt pretty pleased with myself about the new income figure. The downside of having only £12 tax to pay is that it means you (I) didn’t earn very much. I thought I’d be doing so much better by now! And it turns out I am! I may be bad at spreadsheets, but it seems 23/24 was a much better year than I realised! Go me!

And then I downloaded my Stripe reports to double check my Substack income. And it didn’t add up. On the sofa, I curled over my laptop, muttering darkly and occasionally shrieking with frustration because I COULD NOT work out why it wasn’t balancing.

My 20yo, sitting nearby (with the cat) said sarcastically, “Can you teach me how to do tax, Ma. Sounds like fun.”

And then I found the problem.

The original spreadsheet started in April 23 and ran up to the current date. When I put the provisional figures in my tax return I’d cut and pasted from April 24 and moved that to a new spreadsheet for 24/25. What I hadn’t noticed was that in the original file the rows hadn’t cut, they’d copied. My total income - the one that meant I owed £1300 tax - included April 24 to January 25. That was why the Substack figures didn’t add up. That was why my income was way more than I’d thought. I deleted those rows. And I owed £12 again.

Which is good. I’ve got twelve quid. I don’t have £1300. I felt relieved. But I also felt disappointed that I hadn’t earned that much after all.

Later, I realised the whole fiasco was a good lesson in how so often it’s not about the money, it’s how we feel about the money. Nothing actually changed apart from my emotions around how much I owed, how much I earned, and what I made that mean.

Coincidentally, this week’s interview contains wise advice about exactly this - not letting your ego be attached to numbers.

It’s with another money (and more!) Substacker, Cait Flanders, who writes the The Lighthouse (perfect name!). I’ve wanted to interview Cait for ages - I loved her book, The Year of Less - and this post made me extra excited to talk to her:

A day in the life of my money

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Subscriber milestone!

Apparently it’s not the done thing to mention your subscriber count anymore, but I do not care. Yesterday The Ladybird Purse hit 3000 subscribers!

I googled what three thousand people looks like and lightly traumatised myself.

At least you’re not expecting me to do a song.

I’m always happy to hear from you, although I don’t hear from most of you... If you’ve never commented before (or even if you have!), I’d love it if you’d comment now. Introduce yourself! Share your earliest or best money memory. Tell me what song you’d sing if you were on that stage! Or if there’s something you’d like me to write about and I haven’t yet, let me know and I’ll see what I can do.

Thanks so much. I appreciate every one of you.

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An interview with Cait Flanders

Cait Flanders is the author of two books: THE YEAR OF LESS and ADVENTURES IN OPTING OUT. She's perhaps most well known for THE YEAR OF LESS, which documents the one-year shopping ban she completed in 2014/15, what she learned about her binge consumption tendencies, and how she became a more mindful consumer of everything. It was a Wall Street Journal bestseller, has been translated in 11 other languages, and sold 300,000+ copies worldwide.

Before becoming an author, Cait wrote one of the most popular personal finance blogs in Canada, Blonde on a Budget (2010-2018). She also worked as the managing editor of a financial startup, then as a freelance writer/editor and content curator for personal finance sites in Canada and the US. Cait also co-hosted a personal finance podcast for 3 years, and designed and sold physical budgeting planners for 5 years.

Today, she writes about money a little less... and creative living a lot more. But that includes being creative with money. This is something she's had to do, since leaving Canada and immigrating to the UK. She now lives "in the middle of nowhere" in England, and shares stories about life, home, adventure, and community (including the wild hedgehogs that live in her garden!) via her newsletter: The Lighthouse.

What is your relationship with money currently?

I have a pretty trusting relationship with money. That might sound silly or even delusional (and maybe it is a little delusional sometimes lol), but I’ve had enough ups and downs with it, and also gotten myself out of enough tough financial situations, that I genuinely trust I’ll figure it out and everything will be ok.

Let’s take today, as an example. Right now, I’m earning a lot less than I was earning a few years ago, and am living entirely off cash (not credit). My bank account is low and I don’t know where 100% of the money I will need next month is coming from yet. I do feel a little anxious about that. But deep down, I trust I’ll be ok.

I think some of that trust comes from past experiences (like paying off $28,000CAD/£16,000 of debt in 2 years and then later doing a shopping ban for 2 years), which build up your sense of resilience. It also comes from being a self-employed author for close to a decade, and learning how to budget with random lump sums of money (never a steady paycheque).

And, it comes from my work ethic. If I need more money, I know I will find a way to work and earn more. My ego isn’t attached to being self-employed either. If I need to get a job to help pay the bills, I will try to find one. (I say “try” because I know what the job market is like right now.)

What’s your earliest money memory?

I honestly don’t know. I have a somewhat fractured memory of my childhood, which is potentially a result of having complex-PTSD. My mom was a single mom until I was 7, and more memories are available from after the time she married my stepdad and we all moved into a house together.

Before that, I remember moving constantly, and living in 7 different homes by the age of 8. I remember living in subsidized housing in Canada (“council housing” in the UK) for a year and loving it, because our little development was filled with kids so I made lots of friends (although I have some painful memories of the other kids’ challenging family dynamics). I remember living in a trailer park (caravan park) at one point, and having lots of friends there too.

I remember knowing my biological dad didn’t do anything to help/support me. I remember he sent $50 CAD/£28 for my 6th or 7th birthday, and being told it was probably the only money we’d ever get from him (which turned out to be true).

I remember shopping at thrift stores (charity shops). I also remember feeling as though my home was always filled with books and toys as a kid. See? Not many specific memories. Just snippets of what I now understand paints a picture of our financial life back then.

What advice would you give your younger self about money?

The same advice I’m giving myself today: You’ll have lean years and not-so-lean years. You’ll figure it all out and be fine!

And don’t let your ego be attached to the numbers. They aren’t a reflection of who you are or what you’ve done. It’s not you. It’s just money. (Remember this during the “good” earning years too.)

I guess I’d also say: Investing in the future feels boring, because you can’t picture it yet. But you’re going to live to at least age 39, and 39-year-old you would like to live to 85. Try to take care of 85-year-old Cait any way you can. (Money is only one piece of the puzzle. Take care of your physical self and mental health, and try to build a healthy and generous community.)

What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?

I know it sounds cliche but I don’t really have any. I could list all the “bad” decisions I’ve made, the things I wish I’d spent less on, the things I wish I hadn’t gone into debt for, etc. But I also got myself out of those situations, learned a lot from them, and built trust with myself along the way. So, I genuinely don’t have any regrets, and don’t worry about any “mistakes” I’ve made.

I am from one of the most expensive cities in Canada, so I suppose I could say that I regret not buying a home when it was actually affordable. I could’ve afforded to buy a place on my own, as a single person, up until about 2015. It’s been impossible since then, and it’s basically impossible for most couples now too. (The average home price in Victoria, BC was $979,103 CAD/£559,841 in 2024.) But if I’d bought a home, what path would that have taken me down in life? Where would I be today?

The reality, for most of us, is that we can’t afford everything. So, every financial decision you make comes with trade-offs. I’m ok with the things I’ve traded, in order to live the life I do today. If we continue with the example from above, we could say I traded homeownership for the freedom to move around, travel, immigrate to another country, etc. and that’s been right for me. I like my life today, so I don’t worry about whether I’ve made any “mistakes.” My spending decisions took me down this path, and I’d like to stay on it.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?

Therapy and travel. I can’t pick just one, they’ve both been invaluable.

Do you have a pension? If not, do you have a plan?

Yep, and kind of!? I have an RRSP in Canada, which I stopped putting money into when I moved to the UK. So that will just hangout and hopefully grow into one of the pots of money I can pull from when I retire.

After moving to the UK, one of my goals was to learn about the various retirement account options available and start investing here too. So I read about the differences between pensions, ISAs, LISAs, etc. and decided that based on my income level (lower right now, so I don’t need the tax relief a pension provides) + age (under 40), I would start by investing in a stocks and shares LISA. You can invest £4,000/year, and the government gives you a top-up of 25% to make it £5,000!? It almost feels too good to be true, haha.

Because I’m self-employed and earn irregular income, I don’t have a specific savings strategy outlined (and would like that to change). As the years go on though (and hopefully my income goes back up), I’ll reassess and try to come up with a better plan and get a pension one day too. (I’m even open to the idea of getting a job that offers a pension.) But this feels like a good option for me to start with, as a newcomer to this country.

It feels important to add a couple things to this answer—especially because of something I shared earlier. I do believe in building up some amount of money that will help me when I’m older. I also believe community will be part of my retirement plan, especially as the world gets more and more expensive. Like maybe I’ll live with my partner and we’ll share life’s expenses together. Or if I found myself alone again, maybe I’d move back to Canada and live with my sister one day. Or maybe a bunch of my single friends would all move into a house together, and we’d share expenses and take care of each other in our more senior years.¹

We can’t know where life is going to take us, or what will happen to us over time. It feels important to not be set on one plan for the future, but rather stay open to lots of options. Money is one of the things that will help, so I do want to invest some (even if I have feelings about the ethics of investing—a complex topic for another day). But I also invest in my people, because it feels safe to imagine we will be part of each other’s futures too.

What would you do with £10,000?

My first thought was: put all of it in my LISA. But honestly, I’d love to pay for a dream vacation for my partner and I. Travel has gotten much more expensive since the pandemic. My dream is for us to spend a couple weeks in Canada, so he can see where I’m from, and we can explore new places together... but it won't be cheap. £10,000 would definitely make that dream a reality.

What little luxury could you get with a tenner?

A new book, always!

If you were me, what would you want to ask women about money?

What do you want to learn about money this year? Where might you start finding the information/answers you're looking for?

Too often, I hear people say they just "don't know" how money works... but you can always learn something new! And knowledge is an extremely valuable resource. I am where I am (including in my relationship with money) because of how much personal finance content I've consumed.

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THE LATEST POST ON MY OTHER SUBSTACK, HAPPY ENDINGS…

…is about going to London to eat all the things for my son’s birthday.

Everything we ate in London last week.

1. This is what I want to do. The Golden Girls dream!!