Such a relief you can now get a replacement laptop, especially as it's the tool of your trade. I broke my mobile last year in a fit of what I later discovered was autistic non-verbal/violent rage, and when I realised the next day I'd actually need it in order to survive, a dear friend posted me one of her old ones without so much as taking a breath. These people are rare and although I hate the word, I feel blessed to have this one in my world. xxx
Oooh, I’ve got so many different reasons I feel uncomfortable about being offered money. I’m uncomfortable that I don’t pay my way in household expenses at the moment, ffs.
1. No one wants to be a charity case. We all want to be the gift givers.
2. The concept of reciprocity - it’s hard to accept something when you know you can’t reciprocate. Even when the person makes it clear that is not a condition of the money/gift.
3. Despite us all logically knowing that in capitalism, at any one point if someone is doing well, someone else must be doing badly (and that many of us have relatively speaking, experienced both of that states) we don’t want to admit we’re currently in the “have not” category.
4. The horrendous Daily Mail/Victorian good/bad poor categorisation. Unless we have an X Factor tiny-violin story: “... and then I was paralysed in a car accident, and while in my hospital bed, a con artist disguised as a physiotherapist stole everything I had, leaving me penniless”, we categorise ourselves as “bad poor” and blame ourselves for our predicament, and don’t feel worthy of gifts.
Your friend sounds a good un. And WISE. If there’s one thing a writer can’t do without, it’s a laptop. It’s like a farmer’s tractor breaking down.
Thank you again for including me in this post, Keris. And I'm so glad your friend came through and you accepted that gift. Clearly, she believes in what you do, and knows your own generous heart! xo
It's so interesting to think about what comes up when we are offered a gift. I suspect for some of us, the more we need the thing, the harder it might be to accept. It's so laden with emotion and feeling less than and all that uncomfortable money backstory! But I love that your friend offered this so simply, and that you accepted it. I also love that you can acknowledge yourself as someone who would offer the same if you were in the position to - and that, as you have commented below, you are rich in friends. Well, that doesn't happen by chance. That means you have invested wisely over the years and have been honest and reliable and really taken care of that side of your life. I always feel like, if you can do that in one area, you can easily transfer it over to the others eventually!
Find it so hard accepting money ... I run a local “storytime” group alongside my business, and often spend my own money and time putting a lot of effort into it ... and even though the parents say I should charge for it, I find it really really uncomfortable asking ... when really I know I should charge ! So difficult
Learning to be a receiver is such an interesting experience and helps us confront the part of us that feels unworthy of receiving or who feels like things have to be struggled for and ‘earned’, or who simply sees themselves as always being in the giver role. Glad you have a lovely new laptop ❤️
Such a relief you can now get a replacement laptop, especially as it's the tool of your trade. I broke my mobile last year in a fit of what I later discovered was autistic non-verbal/violent rage, and when I realised the next day I'd actually need it in order to survive, a dear friend posted me one of her old ones without so much as taking a breath. These people are rare and although I hate the word, I feel blessed to have this one in my world. xxx
♥️
Oooh, I’ve got so many different reasons I feel uncomfortable about being offered money. I’m uncomfortable that I don’t pay my way in household expenses at the moment, ffs.
1. No one wants to be a charity case. We all want to be the gift givers.
2. The concept of reciprocity - it’s hard to accept something when you know you can’t reciprocate. Even when the person makes it clear that is not a condition of the money/gift.
3. Despite us all logically knowing that in capitalism, at any one point if someone is doing well, someone else must be doing badly (and that many of us have relatively speaking, experienced both of that states) we don’t want to admit we’re currently in the “have not” category.
4. The horrendous Daily Mail/Victorian good/bad poor categorisation. Unless we have an X Factor tiny-violin story: “... and then I was paralysed in a car accident, and while in my hospital bed, a con artist disguised as a physiotherapist stole everything I had, leaving me penniless”, we categorise ourselves as “bad poor” and blame ourselves for our predicament, and don’t feel worthy of gifts.
Your friend sounds a good un. And WISE. If there’s one thing a writer can’t do without, it’s a laptop. It’s like a farmer’s tractor breaking down.
All of the above! And, yes, my friend is definitely a good’un. I’m certainly rich in friends! ♥️
Thank you again for including me in this post, Keris. And I'm so glad your friend came through and you accepted that gift. Clearly, she believes in what you do, and knows your own generous heart! xo
Thank you. That’s such a lovely thing to say.
It's so interesting to think about what comes up when we are offered a gift. I suspect for some of us, the more we need the thing, the harder it might be to accept. It's so laden with emotion and feeling less than and all that uncomfortable money backstory! But I love that your friend offered this so simply, and that you accepted it. I also love that you can acknowledge yourself as someone who would offer the same if you were in the position to - and that, as you have commented below, you are rich in friends. Well, that doesn't happen by chance. That means you have invested wisely over the years and have been honest and reliable and really taken care of that side of your life. I always feel like, if you can do that in one area, you can easily transfer it over to the others eventually!
That is a new thought! And I really appreciate it. Thank you x
Find it so hard accepting money ... I run a local “storytime” group alongside my business, and often spend my own money and time putting a lot of effort into it ... and even though the parents say I should charge for it, I find it really really uncomfortable asking ... when really I know I should charge ! So difficult
Learning to be a receiver is such an interesting experience and helps us confront the part of us that feels unworthy of receiving or who feels like things have to be struggled for and ‘earned’, or who simply sees themselves as always being in the giver role. Glad you have a lovely new laptop ❤️
Thank you. Yes, I definitely think this is something I need to work on.