"I used to think I was one bad day away from complete devastation; now I have faith that if that bad day comes, I’ll survive."
Following up with Lani Diane Rich from August 2022.
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I’ve been really enjoying Lani Diane Rich’s latest Substack project, The Running of the WIPs and particularly appreciated this spiral staircase analogy in a recent post:
Healing from mental and emotional trauma is like climbing a spiral staircase. It feels like you keep coming back to the same space, and on the X-Y axis, you are in the same space.
But on the Z-axis, you’re a little bit higher each time. You’re moving. You’re making progress. It just doesn’t feel like it.
I would argue that you have to come back to that same spot, over and over, so that you can learn how to deal with being in that spot.
Here’s an example of how this might advance in five steps, but you might have fewer than five spirals before you get there.
The first time, your immediate emotional response will be the same as always. You’ll do the same old thing you’ve always done, and only notice it way later.
The second time, your immediate emotional response will be the same, again. Except this time, you’ll notice faster that you did it again.
The third time… well, you’re gonna do the same thing again. But you’ll notice while you’re doing it.
The fourth time, you’ll notice just before you do the same goddamn thing again.
But then, the fifth time, you’ll notice before you do the same thing, and you’ll change the behavior.
And then, finally, you’re out of the staircase.
This resonated so much with regard to me and money that I emailed Lani to ask if could quote it here. And then I realised it was almost two years since her (brilliant) money interview, which you should read first here
so I asked…
What’s changed?
Lani:
Keris, I can’t believe it’s been two years since I was last here with you (thank you for asking me back!) and so much has changed! Since the last time we talked, I got married. I moved into a bigger apartment, and my eldest moved in with us. I launched a year-long writing workshop which has changed my life in so many ways, including how I think about money (more on that in a bit.)