Keris in Paris (pronounced Keree in Paree, apparentlee)
+ retirement anxiety, earning more than ever, and pony plans
This week I am off to Paris as the guest author on a writing retreat that was originally meant to take place in 2020. I’m excited but nervous too - about the retreat, about flying for the first time since 2019, about being away from the boys - but I hope it will be amazing.
I was thinking about the time my ex and I went to Paris for a long weekend. 1997. We’d been married just over a year. We’d just moved back up north from London, but of course we had no money. I remember going to a travel agent to get £100 of Francs and the assistant asked what we were doing for the rest of our spending money. There was no rest. We only had £100. “That’s not enough,” she said. I felt ashamed (of course) but also thought, well, it's going to have to be. And it was. We ate a lot of jambon-buerre baguettes.
I would like a jambon-buerre baguette. But what I would also like is to have some memories that don’t come with a side of money shame.
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An interview with Catherine, 60, Author, Hastings
Since my divorce I’ve been working harder and earning more than I ever have before. I don’t have a safety net so I have to work and earn and as I am a freelance writer and older with no pension, it might be OK now, but you never know when it will all come crashing down. I am fuelled by anxiety.
Catherine Johnson FRSL is a British author and screenwriter. She has written several young adult novels and co-wrote the screenplay for the 2004 drama film Bullet Boy.
Why do you think women are often reluctant to talk about money?
I think it’s one of those things we’re ‘not supposed to worry our pretty little heads about’. But it can be dangerous. It means that perhaps we trust other people (partners) too much. It also happens in publishing, and it’s used to stop us (me) thinking about how much we are paid.
Also, who wants to think about money? I hate thinking about money. It is terrifying. But I am - apart from second hand clothes – quite thrifty. I make soup and as I live alone (I LOVE living alone) my bills are still quite small.
Sadly, for all the practicalities I was bought up with I still live with my fingers crossed hoping something will turn up. I should know better.
What is your relationship with money currently?
Since my divorce – the ending of a 34-year long relationship – I’ve been working harder and earning more than I ever have before. I don’t have a safety net so I have to work and earn and as I am a freelance writer and older with no pension, it might be OK now, but you never know when it will all come crashing down. I am fuelled by anxiety.
Even so it pleases me that year on year my earnings have gone up. (Now I have written that down it will all change, I know – so I spit on my own good fortune.)
I used to earn around £20k a year from writing, books (never a lot - biggest advance in 30 years was £3k) school visits and bits and pieces, but last year I earned £50k. On my own. Go me!!! But I am aware it’s very precarious.
My life has always been like this, hand to mouth, never knowing how much one might earn in a year. Now I am alone I don’t have any back up, so am aware I am hustling harder.
I did have part time jobs and wrote and looked after kids and my partner was a musician. We lived in subsidised housing in Hackney and were offered to the chance to buy it in 1990 which was our lottery ticket as it cost £24k. I had lived in that house from art student days aged 19 in 1981 until we moved to the coast in 2013.
I did have a year after [my marriage ended] when I was a lodger in a friends’ house, living out of plastic bags. That taught me a lot. Then when I got my own place, I barely took anything with me. I left everything of my adult life, except a sofa, a bed, a few cooking pots and four or five pictures. That old life feels a long way away. I got over it with the help of good friends, rediscovering horse riding and work. I left my book agent too, the past few years have been a million new starts.
I have been so lucky in so many ways.
1. Selling the London house and splitting assets so I don’t have a mortgage. I gave any extra money to the kids, so I have no pension at all. I do have space for a lodger if needs be.
2. I have my health.
3. I still get work – who knows when I become too old/ill to work.
4. Did I mention my friends? I would not be here without them.
5. Having a mentoring/teaching income that acts as a backstop. So even if nothing else comes in there is a basic £10k a year from that.
I do worry about getting old. My best friend and I have a rather rose-tinted plan for our dotage: we buy a plot of land with a trailer each then we have some where to keep the horse (pony for me) and a pick-up truck to share. But this relies on continued health, which is always a gamble. I wake up at night worried about my lack of pension. I am trying to save like mad at the same time trying to make up for the travel I missed.
I save everything I can. I have an ISA but I could use it better. I have a savings account and put everything in there straight away, allowing myself just enough for bills, etc. I hate it if my savings go down. I am terrified of getting into debt.
What’s your earliest money memory?
Losing £5 walking from my house to the shops. I must have been 12 so it was 1974 and £5 was loads of money. It was terrifying.
What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?
I was in debt during college, I had many many (tiny now I think about it) overdrafts with different banks. I also had a million jobs! In fact, I was so terrified I didn’t get an account until I had to after my eldest daughter started nursery.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?
In the past from about 2002 – a week sometimes every other year in France with my kids, and one of my friends and her kids and any other of the children’s friends. We couldn’t afford to go every year, but it was brilliant. Husband never ever came – I should have seen the signs – but those holidays made brilliant memories.
Nowadays I have a terrible second-hand clothes habit. I have an old Ossie Clark maxi and a gorgeous Stella McCartney Tuxedo Jumpsuit…
Oh! I also bought a car – this sounds normal, but bear in mind I hadn’t bought a car on my own ever.
Also, this year I have been away abroad twice, although they were writing retreats. That still feels like a massive luxury. And I went away with my lover to an excessively swanky hotel. First time in my entire life!!
What would you do with £10,000?
Give £4k each to my kids. Buy a frock and a pony. Go on holiday.
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