"No one wants to admit they don't know what they're doing."
+ pigs, pugs and, yes, more Harry Styles
Last week was pretty stressful, money-wise. I had a meeting at the Jobcentre which, while it went well, does mean I’m going to be about £500 a month down from November. I had to put some expenses on my credit cards to ensure I have enough actual cash to pay my bills. This is very much not the position I wanted to be in at this point.
And yet.
I also feel pretty positive about money in general and my financial prospects specifically. Partly that’s because I’m such a Pollyanna. Partly it’s because I’m writing again and enjoying it (and my agent tells me it’s actually good) so I do feel fairly hopeful that there will be money coming in at some point in the (probably not near; publishing is so slow) future.
I feel like I’m making more informed decisions generally. Yes, using my credit cards is far from ideal. But I’m using them mindfully. Okay, relatively mindfully. I know that sounds wanky. But it’s a big change for me. I’m not panicking (as long as I don’t think about what mortgage rates could do to our rent). I feel like I’m plodding along.
And yes, often it’s two steps forward, one step back (and sometimes, like I did in real life yesterday, I trip over nothing and hit the deck) (and this is obviously all set against the background of global economic catastrophe that could fuck everything in five minutes) but maybe for the first time ever I feel a flicker of financial freedom in the distance.
Last week I mentioned that I was struggling with the hourly rate principle and looking for a new way to think about money that didn’t feel oppressive to me. Subscriber Helen agreed and suggested ‘A better way of thinking would be, “How much joy will this give me per £?”’ I love it.
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An interview with… Kimberly Wilson
Kimberly Wilson is a psychotherapist in private practice, president of the Pigs & Pugs Project, and designer of an eco-fashion line. She hosts the Tranquility du Jour podcast and has written six books exploring tranquility. Kimberly's mission is to help busy women find more tranquility and beauty in their every day. She writes Midlife Musings on Substack.
Why do you think women are often reluctant to talk about money?
I think it's because money is a deeply personal topic similar to politics and religion. And no one wants to admit they don't know what they're doing, even though most of us don't and we're just winging it.
Or I should speak for myself there! For example, I remember calling Charles Schwab's 1800# when I was 21 and admitting I didn't know what to do or how, but I had $2,000 from working part-time jobs that I wanted to invest. I'm sure I was their worst nightmare, but the consultant was gracious and helped set up my account.
We're not taught how to manage money and although we may basically know not to spend more than we make, it's not always that simple. Life happens and we can easily be sidelined by illness, job loss, a global pandemic, divorce—you name it! Our sense of self-worth may be tied up in what we make (or don't make) and that's just not something we typically discuss over brunch.
What is your relationship with money currently?
We have a mutually respectful relationship, I mean I opened a savings account when I was 8! I've been self-employed since 2000 and after I sold my yoga studios in 2017, I donated 20% of it to my non-profit Pigs & Pugs Project and put the rest into savings.
This year I tapped into some of the 80% to renovate my petite 600-square-foot condo's kitchen and bathroom (goodbye 1980s appliances and cabinets). I added gold fixtures, energy efficient appliances, marble counters plus black and white octagon tile flooring. Trés French. This year's finances have been tighter since the renovation cost more than expected and what I felt comfortable pulling from savings.
Also, I pay off my credit card monthly and have a large bill coming next week that includes my hip replacement, a gifted trip to the Holy Lands for my parents, a 2023 ballet festival I pre-registered for, and a Paris Airbnb. I think I'll scrape by, but I'm watching my bank balance daily and need to be careful not to incur so many large expenses in a billing cycle!
What made you start your non-profit, Pigs & Pugs Project and has it taught you anything about money?
I co-founded it in 2006 with my partner, a non-profit attorney, and a longtime yoga studio student, Michelle, who was also non-profit savvy. At that time it was called Tranquil Space Foundation and we focused on bringing yoga, leadership and creativity to teen girls. The program is available for download if anyone would like the curriculum.
After realizing I was not cut out for working with teens and that I was obsessed with pigs and pugs, we transitioned to Pigs & Pugs Project in 2016 with a new board member, Heather.
The funny thing about being a non-profit is fundraising and that makes me uncomfortable. I don't like asking for money, so the non-profit is currently self-funded from the yoga studio sale. Even when we have events like Pigs, Pugs & Pinot (with a celebrity potbelly pig at a wine bar) or the screening of The Last Pig at an artsy movie theatre, we donate all the ticket sales to pig sanctuaries and pug rescues.
Our funds are dwindling so I need to get more savvy (and comfortable) with fundraising or at least not donating all the money we raise at events since there are often a lot of expenses to cover at various venues.
What’s your earliest money memory?
I recall my mom taking me to a neighborhood Oklahoma bank to open a savings account. I was in third grade and made $2 per week cleaning our small house. Saving has been instilled in me from an early age.
I also remember getting my first credit card in college and calling the company to get my balance and payment address so I could pay it off before the bill even arrived. That's how uncomfortable I was with debt until I purchased my condo at the age of 30 and mortgage debt began.
I’m so interested that you were money savvy at such a young age! Did your parents talk to you about money?
Yes, I'm not really sure where this comes from. I clearly wanted to protect my $2 weekly allowance! My parents indulged in their hobbies (photography, handicrafts, writing, research travel), but they weren't big spenders per se. We rarely went out to eat, my mom made a lot of my clothes, and overall lived a fairly frugal lifestyle.
Perhaps I learned by example as I don't recall any specific talks about money. They were never about designer or fancy things, it was all about comfort. Although I have a love of fancier things like chandeliers and macarons, I, too, focus on comfort and creating experiences versus accumulating stuff.
What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?
Investing in business support that didn't add value. Whether a coach, online business manager, writing coach, webmaster, bookkeeping, online courses, social media manager, or virtual assistant, I've spent a lot of money over the years on business expenses that didn't translate results. I'm always looking for that silver bullet!
Of course, I've had some great experiences, too, but I've spent more than I'd like to admit on business management and support.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?
Experiences, always experiences. Travel anywhere, especially Paris. Live music—obsessed with jazz, Garth Brooks, and Harry Styles1. Museum exhibits anywhere, I especially loved Degas at the Opera in Paris. Classical ballets at the Kennedy Center in DC. Matcha waffles topped with fresh berries and vegan whipped cream in NYC. Private ballet lessons.
What would you do with $10,000?
I'd donate $2500 to Pigs & Pugs Project, put $2500 into my checking account, and move $5000 into my retirement savings account.
kimberlywilson.com - Instagram - YouTube
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I met Kimberly in Paris in June and back then (six months ago) she was so unfamiliar with Harry that she didn’t even know he’d been in One Direction. This answer made me happy!