Show me the money*

+ drinking Oxo, delivering newspapers and sharing your good fortune

Feb 28, 2022

I’m currently reading a book called Financial Wellness & How to Find It by Melanie Eusebe and she suggests calculating your total lifetime earnings. I immediately put the book down and opened Excel, knowing full well it was going to be a horrible disappointment. (That’s the spirit!)

I didn’t include my Saturday jobs age 17/18. I know the first one paid around £10 for a full day (in a stationers) and I was delighted when I moved to John Menzies and got £17 a day. When I moved to London to work as a “Mother’s Help” I was paid £50/week, live in. It was rubbish even then, but I wanted to live in London so I sucked it up.

My first office job paid, I think, £8000 a year. As did my second. When I left there, I temped for a while in various record companies and then got my favourite job: PA to the Head of Legal & Business Affairs at London Records. I think I was paid £18,000 a year. I know that when I told my boss I was leaving, he offered me £22,000 to stay (and he also wanted me to train as a paralegal). I left anyway and moved back up north.

For the next seven years I mostly worked at the same place - an accountants - sometimes temped, went to university and got an English Lit degree. I can’t remember, but I don’t imagine I was earning more than £10k/year at any point. Probably a lot less.

Then in 2004, I had Harry and I know I worked part-time for a while and also started working as a freelance journalist (leaving my job when one article paid the equivalent to one month’s wages) (turned out that was a really well-paid piece and I’d rarely get that much again) but actual figures are missing until I started submitting tax returns in 2009/20. When I earned four grand.

I remember vowing (hoping) to double my income each year and I managed it in 2015/16, earning £12k. And then halved it again in 2016/17. And then doubled it! And then doubled it again for my best year so far: 2018/19 when I earned just under £27,000. Didn’t double it in 19/20 but didn’t do too badly either. And then, oh yeah, a global pandemic.

My total lifetime earnings - given that I am 50 and have been working since I was 17 (but also bearing in mind there are chunks of time I don’t remember), I’ve earned just under £250k. Which, google tells me, works out at £7575.75 a year. Lol.

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In 2007, I read a book called Overcoming Underearning. Apparently, I need to read it again.

*Can you believe it’s taken me this long to use this quote?

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I remember one time as a teenager telling my mum that my favorite thing at Nana's house was drinking gravy and bread for dinner. Literally, a cup of Oxo gravy granules and a slice of bread in the cup. My mum briefly explained that my nana had very poor money management and that was all she could afford to feed us.

Andi, 52, photographer. South Carolina, USA.

What is your relationship with money currently?

Because of the pandemic I haven't had the regular monthly weddings coming in so it's been a habit of stretching things for a bit. For example, my bank account right now is full of cobwebs but in two weeks I have three weddings that are going to be paid in full, so that's over $12k coming in. I have told myself to create a savings account to put the money in so I can pay my bills on time and fully.

I am very bad at finances. My husband handles all the bills. I was constantly paying them late and it was driving him mad. I hate that I'm so bad but also that I let it affect me mood-wise. I came from a poor family so it's not like I wouldn't know how to survive if I didn't have money but for some reason I just get so quiet and worried.

What’s your earliest money memory?

Getting my first job and paycheck at 15. My parents had just split up and my dad wasn't giving my mum any money. I was working full time at a place called the Ranchburger. I would go to school during the day and when school was out, I'd go to work from 5-11pm then come home. I gave my mum my first paycheck and then half of my paycheck each week. This lasted for about 6 months.

Do you remember any conversations about finances with your parents growing up? What did they teach you about money?

My parents never talked about money with us - it just wasn't the thing I guess. I knew we weren't rich - like I could never go on the skiing trips with school, and we didn't really have name brand clothing, etc. To be honest I don't recall ever asking for stuff like that probably because I knew we couldn't afford it. But I don't ever recall thinking "Oh we are poor". We had food, we had clothes and we went on holidays.

I remember one time as a teenager coming home from my nana's house and telling my mum that my favorite thing at Nana's was drinking gravy and bread for dinner. Literally, a cup of Oxo cube gravy granules and a slice of bread in the cup. My mum briefly explained that my nana had very poor money management and that was all she could afford to feed us.

I know that having no money sucks, I've been there, frequently, and I know that I'd have less stress if I had more money, but you know what? I am happy. I am a well traveled person. I managed to figure out how to do this while not having much money.

Money isn't the be all and end all. I know people will come at me for saying that but I can say it because I've been on both ends of the financial scale. I was raised in a poor-ish household, became a single mother of three receiving no child support etc., moved to the US and didn't become any richer at first. It was only once the kids all grew up that I got a taste of "Oooooh, so this is nice!"

Then my husband lost his job and we didn't panic. We sat down and said "OK, what do we do next?" While waiting for replies to his job applications he literally took a job delivering newspapers to newsagents. He is a business executive and most would have seen this as a major embarrassment, but I saw it as someone looking out for his family and figuring out what to do next. I actually went with him. When I tell you it was some of the most fun we had, just us two, driving, we kind of reconnected again and it was what we needed.

Not to sound too new-age and hippy-ish, I am at the ripe old age of 52 and to be honest, if I'm happy and healthy, and my husband is happy and healthy and my kids are happy and healthy then that's all that matters. We only live one life, it's a short one compared to the life of the planet so make the most of it. Some people have everything, some don't. It is what it is. But you better believe that when I do have something I'm going to share what I have.

You're one of the most generous people I know - you bought me a present before we even really knew each other! Where do you think that comes from?

I don't know to be honest. I'm sure there's a therapist out there who can answer that. I just know that I like to make people smile, and feel wanted and needed.

I had a penpal when I was younger, Jennifer DeVivo from NY (*waves if she's out there*) and I always loved getting letters in the mail. It is a highlight of my life even at 52, getting an unexpected letter or card in the mail that is just a "Just saying hi and thought of you" type of thing. If I think that buying someone a book, or a vase, or a funny t-shirt, or a mug or anything that would make them as happy as a letter makes me feel then I'm sure a shit going to do it. You don't have to spend a ton of money to make someone smile.

But I would also add this. When I first met my husband George (he is American and I was living in the UK), we'd been chatting and he'd visited and proposed and I said yes, then I thought "Hang on, I've never even been to the US, how can I take my kids over there to a strange country that I've never visited? Also, how can I even afford to pay for a flight to do it?" I was still really good friends with my old boss and he knew about this situation and he literally paid for my flight for me. Paid for it. I think it was like £600. HE PAID FOR IT. Look at how much that impacted my life! My kids lives! He made such a difference and to him it was a small gesture. So the size of the gift is irrelevant compared to the joy and good nature you feel after gifting someone anything.

[NOTE: I mentioned in an earlier newsletter that I was able to see Harry Styles in LA in 2018 because a friend paid for my flight. That was Andi.]

What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?

Not putting aside enough money for Social Security. Because I'm self employed I should have been putting way more money aside and I haven't - I just rely on the fact that my husband has enough in his Social Security to help me if he dies. Dreadful plan.

How much money would you need to feel safe?

It would have to be a lot - simply and only to pay for healthcare over here. I could live in a tent and eat ramen noodles all my life, but if you get sick, you’re in trouble if you have no insurance.

You're English but have lived in the US for a while now, do you notice different attitudes to money between the two countries?

The problem is that almost everything here in the US is tied to money. If you don't have any and you are a single parent with three young babies, well you are going to struggle. If you work, then there are daycare costs - there aren't many places that offer free daycare. You also then have to pay for health insurance for you and the kids. Then there's dental insurance for you and the kids. Then there's rental insurance wherever you live. Do you have a car? All the regular bills add up.

So then people think "Well, I won't work, I'll wait till the kids go to school." You apply for food stamps. Just the application for that is a nightmare. People think it's just a case of getting money put on a debit card and you can go shopping for anything. Nope. Each thing has to be run up separately. You can only buy pre-approved diapers, etc. It's so unnecessary and sad.

To see parents struggle with "Is my child so sick that I have to take him to Urgent Care ($100 just to be seen) or can I just give him tylenol and hope that fixes whatever is wrong?" is awful. You can see how bad things are just by going to Google and searching GoFundMe for sick kids. And then there are adults that have a page to help pay for their Insulin, etc. It's a sad, sad world and the rich just keep getting richer.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?

Travel and friends. I love to see new places and I love to be able to help out friends, or buy them gifts, etc. It makes me feel good.

What would you do with £10,000?

Put it into a good college fund that has great ROI for the grandkids - so that they don't have to worry about paying for their education when they get older.