"I am terrible at financial admin, it sends shivers down my spine."

+ accidentally creating artificial scarcity

Hi and welcome to The Ladybird Purse, my weekly newsletter about women and money. I’m not a financial advisor, but I’m about to be a money coach - stay tuned!

Recently, I bought a pack of 12 loo rolls. *pause for a fanfare*

When I took the new pack into the bathroom, I noticed there were three rolls left in the old pack. And I thought “you could’ve managed another week.” And then I thought… huh.

Apparently I would rather hope the loo rolls I have will last than buy more “too soon” and have an abundance of loo rolls. What’s that about?

Having thought about it more, I think it comes down to only ever “managing”. On having, hopefully, enough. But never more than enough. Never plenty. Rarely enough to actually relax. (In life, not on the loo.)

And then I thought a bit more about scarcity, generally.

I’m sure I’ve told this story before, but one day, when I was a teenager, I got home from school to find a pan of mince simmering on the stove. I helped myself to a spoonful. It was really good. I helped myself to another spoonful. I ate some more telling myself that a) I was hungry, and b) no one would notice. I don’t know how much I ended up eating, but it was more than I intended to and my mum definitely noticed and said there wasn’t enough for dinner and I was ashamed.

In the forty or so years since this happened, it’s been - in my head - a fat shaming story. How greedy was I that I ate most of the dinner my mum had prepared for the family? But what I realised recently was that my mum was angry/disappointed because she didn’t have anything else for dinner.

Since me and my boys’ dad split up, I have become weirdly proud of my shopping and meal planning/prepping. But I buy for the current week and no more. Not long ago, my eldest came home late with his girlfriend and they planned to eat a pizza I’d earmarked for later in the week. And I told them no. Because if they ate that pizza, I’d be a day short on my week’s plan.

I went to bed. And lay there thinking what, pray tell, the f•ck. I don’t want my boys to have to second-guess whether they’re allowed to eat anything in the house. I don’t ever want them to feel scarcity around food. And yet I’ve created scarcity unnecessarily.

I somehow hadn’t previously thought about food insecurity growing up. But it was definitely an issue. I am lucky enough now that it isn’t (currently) an issue for me. And yet in some ways, I’m replicating it anyway.

I don’t think this is unconnected with this, raised by author Rachael Lucas back in 2022:

I’ve worked hard on my money issues - it used to freak me out having any in the bank, and I realised that somehow I’d created a mindset that my base level was zero, so whatever I had I would spend it until I got back to what felt like normal.

So now I’m trying to add a little more whenever I do a food shop. Buying an extra of anything with a long shelf-life (I’ve done this in the past for a Brexit stockpile and also during the lockdowns, where possible) to make myself more comfortable with the idea of not running out.

Of course, I appreciate the privilege inherent in this. I’ve donated to The Trussell Trust and, if you’re able, maybe you’d like to too.

---

If you’re not a paid subscriber already, I’d love it if you’d consider upgrading. Paid subscribers receive a second weekly post - and will soon get a preview of my money coaching course - along with access to three (3) years of archives.

If you would like a paid sub, but can’t swing it right now, email me and I’ll sort it.

---

An interview with Kate Harvey

What is your relationship with money currently?

I’ve had a stressful relationship with money for a long time, particularly the last four years. I was getting back on my feet after divorce 12 years ago and living on a low income as a mum when the pandemic hit.

I got Long Covid in 2021, which made me so unwell for years, stopping my work as a therapist and reducing my jewellery business time (Grace and Flora Jewellery).

Income from jewellery halved as I had no energy for markets or marketing, just processing orders. Although it’s recovering now, I have lost years of income when I should have been paying into a pension.

The cost of living also affects sales, and the cost of materials is high: the price of silver has doubled. I continue to work hard to turn things around within my health parameters. It is slowly happening!

What’s your earliest money memory?

When I was a child, we were lucky to have a large garden with two ponds. The ‘big pond’ was beautiful, right next to a large weeping willow, full of rare newts and frogs, and dragonflies all summer. There was a rockery all around the edge and my friend and I gathered all the money we had, which was several halfpenny’s pennies and a few silver coins, put it in a tiny plastic money bag and buried it in the rockery as treasure. I was so excited that it would one day be very valuable and we would be rich!

I also remember my grandfather giving me £5 on my fifteenth birthday. A month later, he gave my older brother £10. I asked my mum about it. She said “Oh that’s just grandad. He’d think ‘what would a woman want with money?’” He was my father's father: very Victorian!

What advice would you give your younger self about money?

I grew up in the seventies-eighties. My Dad was a doctor so we were not wealthy, but very comfortable. My mum worked a little as a secretary.

My father spent the first 11 years of his life growing up in rationing during and after the war, so they were extremely frugal, nothing was wasted, no heating on in the daytime, and I wore all my brothers' hand-me-downs. Our summer holidays were camping in France.

It was all fine, but I think this made me overly careful and cautious about money - we lived like there was a war on! I picked up that money was taboo, or greedy.

I would say to be more easy-going about money and it's okay to treat ourselves a little or make spending mistakes sometimes, just move on. I am educating my daughter more about money: what a pension is, how investments work, what a good living is, and to work and earn her own money. I am teaching her what no-one taught me.

What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?

I am terrible at financial admin, it sends shivers down my spine. But worse, when I was working as a counsellor and psychotherapist I would offer many concession spaces - even though I was on a low income myself, and was a single mum by then. One of my clients paid £1. I am glad to have helped her as she was very much in need, as were most of them. But I also gave discounts to two student clients who lived in giant houses and, it turned out, were actually very wealthy. I didn't realise it was me who was in need!

I think I felt that since I was from a fortunate background, it was my duty to be generous and help those less fortunate, not realising that I wasn’t in that position.

I didn’t like to see people who had little income shut out of therapy - but this is for those wealthy therapists to deal with, or the government. My heart was in the right place. I did it for years, not making sure I had my ‘oxygen mask’ on first.

What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?

I get a lot of value from having beautiful things like fresh flowers, sparkly lights and candles around my home. They don’t cost a lot, but bring me moments of joy every day and lift my spirits. No expensive ones, just that they are there, winking joyfully at me. It is a worthwhile investment! And my cute little dog, Pepper.

Do you have a pension? If not, do you have a plan?

As things are now, I will have half a pension plus the state pension. It is a cause of stress.

Long Covid took away the years I hoped I would earn more from both therapy and my jewellery business (Grace and Flora jewellery) and I thought I would pay in then. Now, I will carry on writing and hope it will bring more income, and keep making jewellery. I hope I’ll be able to add to the pot again after such a long hiatus (of about 20 years!). Basically, I don’t plan to retire!

I do own my own flat, so I will be able to downsize to a tiny one if needed.

What would you do with £10,000?

I would improve my home. It’s ‘shabby chic’ and really, just a bit shabby. I spend a lot of time here so that would make me happy. A new kitchen, maybe a patio in my tiny, overgrown garden, and redecorate - and I'll pay someone else to do it!

If you were me, what would you want to ask women about money?

I wish people would process their money issues younger, particularly women. I didn’t, brought up that women should be financially dependent, that money shouldn't be discussed, that it symbolised greed rather than security - all untrue. A woman with her own money?! Gross! Not at all.

So I would ask them to challenge their beliefs about money and what ‘enough’ is.

Grace & Flora Handmade Jewellery | Nature Jewellery UK

If you’d prefer not to subscribe, but would still like to support me/this newsletter, you can make a one-off payment: