So much of this resonates. Keris, I still vividly remember having my two best friends over after school when we were in our early teens. My mom had just done the shop for the week and I hid the two bags of snacks behind the cupboard doors, putting them in with the glasses instead of in the pantry where my friends knew the food resided. I think I had poured a ration of potato chips into a bowl for our afternoon, and when it ran out one friend went hunting for more. I lied and said there wasn’t more, scared that maybe my family wouldn’t have enough later, even though we always had enough, or maybe I was resource guarding out of selfishness. The extra bags were discovered, and I said that we weren’t allowed to have them, and the whole thing was uncomfortable. Forty years later we are all still close, one is my closest friend, and I recently asked if they remembered the incident. They don’t, but i do and I still see traces of the behavior in myself, which makes me feel selfish, even though I know it’s residual stuff, all to do with being raised by a single mom, and grand and great grandparents who lived through the Depression, and all the messaging around having an absent dad who was very splashy with money but didn’t pay child support.
Thanks, Erica. You just reminded me - again, I don’t know how I keep forgetting this (actually, I think it’s because it’s unbelievable to me that my mum lived through it) - that my mum was born in 1937 so WWII and rationing and being poor for years after was still so fresh. All of this stuff sticks with us more than we realise.
The adages my grandparents repeated “a penny saved is a penny earned” and “waste not, want not” are so deeply embedded in me, and mostly for good. But some other of the saving aspects are unhelpful. After college I remember being in my grandmother’s basement and finding a brand new, wonderful frying pan, probably made in the late 1950s. I didn’t yet own any quality cookware and asked if I could have it, and my otherwise generous grandmother replied “but that’s the really good pan.” I asked if she’d like me to bring it up for her to use (she was in her 80s and cooked daily) but she explained she was saving it “in case.” She eventually gifted it to me, and I used that one pan daily for 20 years until the handle broke, at which time the company called Lifetime replaced it with their more recent model. Definitely the “good pan” and certainly better being used instead of kept safe “in case.” The receptionist at Lifetime had worked there for over 40 years and knew the pan well!
This is really interesting. My scarcity issues manifest in hoarding essentials to the point that I was not in any way concerned when lockdown happened. We could have eaten and used the loo for months no worries. I have had nothing at one point so I think it comes from the horror of trying to take £10 out of the bank and there not being enough funds.
We were on a tight budget when we were married and so “luxuries” like yoghurt and ice cream were out. It was all about feeding our bodies. As we added to the family, like Keris, I bought only enough for the week, and continued to not buy “luxuries” so we could survive on one income for a family of 6. Now, we are more comfortable and we do eat out, but my grocery shopping is still very practical. I love the idea of buying one extra thing.
Loved this interview with Kate. Once again, it highlights the issues around women and money that gets passed down. My mum was given an allowance and grocery money (even though she worked full time) and would often squirrel money away, from her overtime, so she had a bit of buffer. It has helped her in her retirement, after her divorce from my dad, but I’m sure that has be passed down to me. I put a little bit (under $10) a week into an investment portfolio and it probably is a bit of squirrelling.
The inequality between men and women still astonishes me. My mum didn't have her own email address until ten years ago! Thanks for reading. Money stories are so exposing!
Love this Keris. I tend to overstock - I think it's a weird thing that a disaster could happen at any moment, even though it never has! I'm generally still frugal though, shop in Lidl etc, why not!
Thanks so much for sharing my story, I didn't get notified but someone messaged me! 🩷
So much of this resonates. Keris, I still vividly remember having my two best friends over after school when we were in our early teens. My mom had just done the shop for the week and I hid the two bags of snacks behind the cupboard doors, putting them in with the glasses instead of in the pantry where my friends knew the food resided. I think I had poured a ration of potato chips into a bowl for our afternoon, and when it ran out one friend went hunting for more. I lied and said there wasn’t more, scared that maybe my family wouldn’t have enough later, even though we always had enough, or maybe I was resource guarding out of selfishness. The extra bags were discovered, and I said that we weren’t allowed to have them, and the whole thing was uncomfortable. Forty years later we are all still close, one is my closest friend, and I recently asked if they remembered the incident. They don’t, but i do and I still see traces of the behavior in myself, which makes me feel selfish, even though I know it’s residual stuff, all to do with being raised by a single mom, and grand and great grandparents who lived through the Depression, and all the messaging around having an absent dad who was very splashy with money but didn’t pay child support.
Thanks, Erica. You just reminded me - again, I don’t know how I keep forgetting this (actually, I think it’s because it’s unbelievable to me that my mum lived through it) - that my mum was born in 1937 so WWII and rationing and being poor for years after was still so fresh. All of this stuff sticks with us more than we realise.
The adages my grandparents repeated “a penny saved is a penny earned” and “waste not, want not” are so deeply embedded in me, and mostly for good. But some other of the saving aspects are unhelpful. After college I remember being in my grandmother’s basement and finding a brand new, wonderful frying pan, probably made in the late 1950s. I didn’t yet own any quality cookware and asked if I could have it, and my otherwise generous grandmother replied “but that’s the really good pan.” I asked if she’d like me to bring it up for her to use (she was in her 80s and cooked daily) but she explained she was saving it “in case.” She eventually gifted it to me, and I used that one pan daily for 20 years until the handle broke, at which time the company called Lifetime replaced it with their more recent model. Definitely the “good pan” and certainly better being used instead of kept safe “in case.” The receptionist at Lifetime had worked there for over 40 years and knew the pan well!
Oh that’s amazing! And “waste not, want not” was definitely one of my mum’s fave sayings.
This is really interesting. My scarcity issues manifest in hoarding essentials to the point that I was not in any way concerned when lockdown happened. We could have eaten and used the loo for months no worries. I have had nothing at one point so I think it comes from the horror of trying to take £10 out of the bank and there not being enough funds.
Oh I’ve been there too! Isn’t it funny how it manifests differently for different people.
We were on a tight budget when we were married and so “luxuries” like yoghurt and ice cream were out. It was all about feeding our bodies. As we added to the family, like Keris, I bought only enough for the week, and continued to not buy “luxuries” so we could survive on one income for a family of 6. Now, we are more comfortable and we do eat out, but my grocery shopping is still very practical. I love the idea of buying one extra thing.
Loved this interview with Kate. Once again, it highlights the issues around women and money that gets passed down. My mum was given an allowance and grocery money (even though she worked full time) and would often squirrel money away, from her overtime, so she had a bit of buffer. It has helped her in her retirement, after her divorce from my dad, but I’m sure that has be passed down to me. I put a little bit (under $10) a week into an investment portfolio and it probably is a bit of squirrelling.
The inequality between men and women still astonishes me. My mum didn't have her own email address until ten years ago! Thanks for reading. Money stories are so exposing!
We should all have a squirrel fund! 🐿️
Love this Keris. I tend to overstock - I think it's a weird thing that a disaster could happen at any moment, even though it never has! I'm generally still frugal though, shop in Lidl etc, why not!
Thanks so much for sharing my story, I didn't get notified but someone messaged me! 🩷
Sorry, I usually message but it slipped my mind. And it seems Substack has stopped notifying people when they’re tagged which is annoying.
I love Lidl - or Aldi - I can never remember which is which. (They’re both good but only one of them is near enough for me to shop at!)
Kate thank you. This was such a valuable read.
Thank you Amy, it's such an important topic x