There will always be more money, there may not be more moments.

Decades series: thirties.

Hi and welcome to The Ladybird Purse, my weekly newsletter about women and money.

This is the third post in my series looking at money experiences and attitudes through life, decade by decade. You can find links to the previous posts at the end.

Thirties

Emily, 38

Technical Manager in Producing Theatre, New Mum, aspiring Yoga Therapist and chronic pain survivalist.

I've worked across multiple technical disciplines in every scale of theatre and have the back injury to prove it!

How were financial decisions made within your family when you were growing up?

In general, I believe my mum made a lot of the day to day choices, but my dad was always involved in the bigger, family wide decisions (holidays etc.). This was mainly due to mum handling the finances each week.

What did your parents teach you about money? Intentionally or otherwise.

It was ingrained in me from a young age that money very rarely comes for "free". Anything borrowed will either need go be directly repaid as funds or with beneficial actions, e.g. cleaning the bathroom as a teen or, nowadays, getting the holiday food delivered on arrival. There's always a limit, try to ascertain what that limit is and respect it.

As an adult it's become a feeling around asking for money from my husband. If I need to that means I've failed to make SMP (Statutory Maternity Pay) cover all my normal expenses, but it's a quarter of my normal monthly salary!!

Did you experience any financial challenges when you started your career?

Oh so many! I work in Theatre and there's no money for anything.

Once, when I'd complained about minimum wage (43 hrs) and no overtime on our 72 hour production weeks, a friend asked me what I'd expected going into a "vocational" career.

Most months I could only really afford the non-negotiables with one housemate. A "big shop" for a busy work period to meal prep would almost always end up on a credit card as we were paid weekly. I didn't start paying back my student loan until I moved venues after three years, as I didn't meet the threshold.

Part of the staffing crisis in our industry is that you only get local applicants for roles as people can't afford to relocate away from their parents’ house for £24k a year.

How has your perspective on money changed over time?

I think it’s in flux at the moment. I can be shaky with fear over debt one day to saying "f*ck it" the next day because my daughter needs the next size up in bodysuits.

Thing is, I know we're nowhere near as badly off as so many people, but that's probably only due to the credit available to me for emergencies.

Are there any financial goals or milestones you would still like to achieve?

I'd so love to earn enough to pay off the balance transfer cards, but that's so unlikely and honestly? They can just be there, I'd rather live right now.

What are the biggest lessons you've learned about managing money?

Probably that it's all about small choices, and asking that "enrich my life" question. Will buying this pair of jeans enrich my life? Bring me joy every day as I use them? Or will it take needed funds from elsewhere and sit on a hanger?

The best I've ever been with money was when I approached each purchase as taking money away from our future children - not inheritance, but being able to buy the 100% cotton sleepsuits not just the cheapest options.

There will always be more money in some manner, there may not be more moments.

Have you encountered any gender-specific financial challenges or biases?

Maternity/nursing wear. Gods it's so expensive and it's such an un-highlighted expense! You consider all the baby related costs but all the investment needed to not be a naked mum seems to surprise women and men.

Even a set of nursing vest tops is £20, so even if I were just to wear a vest top each day with one load of washing a week I'm out £100, just to wear a top to feed my child without exposing my whole torso. Oh and bras, of course! And that your pelvis physically changes so even if you go back to your original weight, you still may not fit in your favourite jeans...so then you need to buy jeans.

And as mentioned before, you do it all on whatever you've saved once falling pregnant, then on reduced salary, then on SMP and finally, if you want to take a full year, the final part on no income at all.¹ All while reliant on your partner to "give" you money which has to be requested. Such a powerless feeling!!

How have you approached saving for retirement or planning for the future?

I've made sure to sign up for the company pension plan, but that's all I've really managed to do. I think it important to take advantage of the schemes available.

What advice would you give to younger generations of women when it comes to finances?

As with most things in life it's about balance and some future thinking. Make sure the purchase will benefit you immediately and in your future. It's OK to ask for help when you need it. It's always hard to for sure, but a problem shared really is a problem halved.

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PREVIOUS DECADES POSTS:

What would I ask older women about money? How to make sure you don’t have to rely on anyone else.

I’ve noticed that ‘responsible’ payments, such as bills, are often assumed to be paid by the man.

1. Maternity pay and leave: Pay - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)