Would you take a midlife gap year?
+ an interview with Cara of The Quiet Spend
Hi and welcome to The Ladybird Purse, my weekly newsletter about women and money. I’m not a financial advisor; just a woman who thought she’d be in a better position by now.
I saw this article linked on Instagram a couple of weeks ago:
I'm 46, earn £25k and have £6k in my pension. Can I quit my job and retire for good?
I read the headline and said “Obviously not” aloud. But then I read the article and found that the writer is in a much better financial position than the headline suggests and, yes, could potentially retire.
And then (like a fool), I read the comments under the Instagram post and this one jumped out:
“Assuming you’d want to retire what would you do? Sit there and rot? Spend an eternity on holiday?”
It instantly gave me the rage because who talks to strangers like that? Sit there and rot. Where are your manners, random man on the internet?! But then I felt a little sad for him. Apparently he cannot conceive of a life without work. And says spend an eternity on holiday like that’s a horrible prospect.
Also? The opposite of work is not “nothing.” At first I thought the opposite of work is “leisure” and then I thought “play” so then I looked it up and was reminded of “rest.”
Leisure, play and rest. What horrible prospects!
I enjoy what I do, but at the same time I would love to not have to work. There’s so much to do! A whole big world in which to spend an eternity (actually more like forty years for the writer? if they’re lucky) travelling, meeting people, eating incredible things, reading all the books, watching the sunsets, dancing and laughing and living life!
And then I listened to a podcast about the idea of a midlife gap year. I didn’t have a gap year when I was 18. Or, you know, ever. I’d love one at some point. I dream of doing it when (if) my boys leave home. Maybe a year. Maybe less. Maybe more.
Previous interviewee Heather did this age 66:
Do you like the idea of a midlife gap year? If so, where would you go? What would you do?
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An interview with Cara of The Quiet Spend
Cara is a writer who spends a lot of time thinking about money, personal finance, and spending. She writes openly and honestly about her own financial struggles and thoughtfully processes the world of money around her. You can read all of her posts on her Substack publication, The Quiet Spend.
What made you start The Quiet Spend and how did you come up with the name?
My background is in journalism and writing, and over the years I’ve started several iterations of a blog about money because I struggle with my own relationship with money and need to process it externally.
Since my late twenties I’ve been interested in reading personal finance books and listening to personal finance podcasts. I think the personal finance industry is so interesting, and I started to recognize my need to write about my journey compared to traditional advice. I find other people’s relationships with money fascinating and I have the ever-present urge to write.
Ten years ago I had a blog about money but once our second child was born I had no time to dedicate to it. A year or so ago I started a blog called The Overspenders, but I grew to dislike the title as I felt that it sounded like it was about a strange group of superheroes. Also, the blog was started on a website with no connection to any social media so of course no one was reading it.
I came across Substack when a podcaster I listen to switched her email newsletter from MailChimp to Substack. I kept hearing more and more about Substack so I thought I would try writing there, too. I was at a point in my life where every at-home-money-making venture I had attempted had gone nowhere, so I figured that if writing on Substack didn’t pan out I’d be no worse off.
My Substack publication was called The Overspenders for a few days until I decided to change it to The Quiet Spend. To be completely transparent, I used AI to help me come up with a name for my publication. I spent so much time trying to come up with a name on my own but every time I thought I had found a good title someone was already using it. I asked AI to help me come up with a name that evoked a thoughtful relationship with money, and I think the name suits me and my writing. I just wish I could take credit for coming up with the name myself.
What is your relationship with money currently?
Oh boy. Well, its a work in progress.
The primary reason for me starting The Quiet Spend was because I needed a place to process my own thoughts in regards to my relationship with money. I can be all over the place—sometimes I am thrifty, and at other times I overspend drastically.
Currently I am trying to pay more attention to my spending. What am I feeling when I want to buy something? How often am I using debt to pay for things? Am I capable of saving money and not just spending it? Those are some of the questions I am working through at the moment.
What’s your earliest money memory?
One of my earliest money memories would be of my late grandfather giving me and my siblings money every time we saw him. He would give us a one dollar coin (Canadian) and I felt like the luckiest, richest girl in the world with that shiny coin in my hand.
Another early money memory is when I was probably six or seven years old. My mom used to shop at a department store called Sears, and when she used her credit card I remember that the cashier used a credit card imprinter and I was quite intrigued with the whole carbon copying process.
What advice would you give your younger self about money?
As I enter into my eleventh year of being a stay-at-home parent, I would love to tell my decade-ago self to spend less and save more. Cliché I know, but I spent so much money on objects I no longer have that I felt were so important at the time. I spent so much time and energy in the pursuit of stuff—things that I am now selling or donating.
Saving money was really easy when I was working full-time, but since I became a full-time parent saving money meant saying no to myself, and I wasn’t good at that then, but it’s something I’m really trying to work on now.
What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?
Readers of my blog know that I have made quite a few financial mistakes, but the biggest was purchasing a home when we couldn’t truly afford it, and then purchasing another one and selling it a few years later. Those two decisions cost us thousands and thousands of dollars—the likes of which we may never see again.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?
The very best thing that I have ever spent money on has to be my Manduka yoga mat that has seen me through six years of at-home workouts. During the pandemic my children were very little and every night after I put them to bed I did yoga or Pilates. I think that those workouts helped my sanity and mental health during those difficult years of young motherhood. I still use it three to four times a week and it’s my favourite possession.
Do you have a retirement fund? If not, do you have a plan?
I wish very much that I had a well-funded retirement fund, but saving for retirement has been the lowest priority on a long list of more pressing financial obligations. I do contribute $15 each week and the balance on my retirement account is currently about $1600.00.
My plan for retirement is to work full-time once my kids are grown and are finished school. Because I homeschool my kids and cannot currently earn a full-time income, we are choosing to have less financial stability now. But, once the kids are grown and completed school I know that I will need to work full-time to earn money for my older years.
My spouse’s and my plan is to live small in retirement. Whether that be living in a tiny home, apartment, recreational vehicle, or boat, we know that we don’t aspire to live in a large space and likely won’t have the funds to do so either. The other part of our retirement plan is that we don’t want to own a house. We are happy renting and believe that renting will keep a lot of our costs down.
What would you do with £10,000 (or local equivalent)?
Just thinking about having this much money at my disposal makes me excited. I would use this money to pay off some debt and use the rest to fund our family’s move to the UK.
What little luxury could you get with a tenner?
With £10 I would buy myself a loaf of freshly baked einkorn sourdough bread with local butter, and eat as much as I could in one sitting.
If you were me, what would you want to ask women about money?
I would ask women what they worry about in regards to their money. What financial concerns keep them up at night? What money thoughts are ever-present throughout their days?
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THE LATEST POST ON MY AUTHOR SUBSTACK, HAPPY ENDINGS…
My June update, featuring tennis, a flying visit to London and, of course, Noodles.
I did a gap month last year, staying in an apartment in Athens. It was lots of fun but, as a self-employed person, I had to pack in the work beforehand to pay for it, and then really go for it afterwards, which kind of negated the benefits of that time out. I couldn't quite imagine what that would look like for a year's break, but it would probably do me a lot of good!
I did go travelling after university- living in a van for 9 months, back in 2001, road tripping round 43 of the United States. So, I would love to take some time to get to the other 7 (which unfortunately are rather scattered, rather than adjoining each other), but for obvious reasons don’t actually fancy being IN the USA right now …maybe something for when all 5 kids are independent (13 years is long enough for American to be appealing again, right?).