“As a Millennial, I figure I won't get to retire anyway.”
Plus free money, four films in a week and feeling seen.
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I said last week that I was going to write about essentials. And I’m pretty sure I said it a while ago too, when I was doing a no spend month. But I keep putting it off (I almost put it off today). Usually when I want to write something but also don’t, that means I need to.
I recently had to send someone three months’ bank statements and as I went through them, I had a couple of thoughts. The first was that I don’t actually spend that much on things at all.
When I got the hardship grant last week, I did automatically think what can I buy? I picked up and put down a couple of magazines and I spent a while staring at this adorable seagull ghost because it’s so perfect for where we live now and also fits with the book I’m currently writing and I really love a book mascot.
(The other day, a friend found out she was getting £600 she hadn’t been expecting. She said to her husband “We can buy a thing! What do we need that costs £600? It’s free money!” He did not agree.)
But, no. I didn’t buy anything tangible. But I did go for a massage. And I bought an ebook about how you are changed when your mother dies because I really think it’s time I properly dealt with that. (It’s been 24 years.)
The second thought was about whether I would be judged for what I do spend my money on. She goes to the cinema a lot, I imagined them thinking, for someone who says she’s skint. (Yeah, the message I got last month definitely did not help me here.)
And, yes, I do. I went four times in the past week1. But I pay £15.99 a month for an unlimited ticket that also gives me discounts when my eldest comes too. And we go together a lot. It’s the only time we really spend together. Often we walk there or back and we talk, not just about the film. It’s really important to me and it’s easily worth the thirty quid-ish I spend each month.
It’s not what anyone would think of as essential, but it’s essential for my relationship with my 19yo who spends the majority of time in his room.
And, yes, I think part of the reason I’ve put off writing about this is privilege. I know for a lot of people, essentials literally means the things they need to stay alive: food, energy bills, etc. I promise I don’t take it for granted that I can get a massage and go to the cinema.
But I think a lot about the difference between surviving and living. We should all be able to live, not just survive.
But more and more these days, that feels like a niche opinion. So many arseholes on Twitter insisting that no one can be in food poverty because you can get a bag of oats for 50p or whatever. Literally if you’re not starving then you shouldn’t complain. And apparently you should happily eat dry oats for every meal. I don’t understand it at all.
Mostly this is just me musing, but I’m also wondering what expenses do you have that wouldn’t generally be considered essentials, but are essential to you?
Bloody Good Period (fighting period poverty)
An interview with Sa’iyda Shabazz…
Sa’iyda Shabazz is a writer and editor who lives in Los Angeles with her son, partner and too many pets. She writes about the intersections of parenting, race, sexuality, gender and socioeconomic status as well as lifestyle and pop culture.
A former writer and editor at Scary Mommy, she is currently a writer for Autostraddle, where she writes a column about parenting as a queer mom. Her work has also been published by The New York Times and The Washington Post. You can find her on Instagram and Twitter.
What is your relationship with money currently?
Money is the absolute biggest stressor in my life currently. I do not have the best relationship with money, mainly because I don't have any. It feels like this thing that is constantly right out of my reach, taunting me because I can't seem to figure out how to get it.
What’s your earliest money memory?
I remember not having it. Money was always a problem for my parents, even when my dad was making what would be considered a "good" salary.
I remember one Christmas where I had written out an elaborate Christmas list, and all I got was a pair of snow boots that I didn't even remember asking for. That was the first time I truly felt disappointment, and I knew money was at the heart of it.
What advice would you give your younger self about money?
Create a budget and try to stick to it.
What have you taught your son about money?
I'm trying to teach him the value of saving his money as best I can, but I don't know how well I'm doing! He's almost 10, and it's hard to talk logic with a child. Last year he got over $100 in birthday money and I only allowed him to spend half on toys, telling him to save the rest for whatever may come up in the future.
He needed some new school clothes, and I used the money for that (partially because I had no other money) and he was able to see how you can have fun with your money, but how saving helps you when you're in a bind.
You're currenty running a fundraiser to finance a documentary exploring the representation of queer women on television. Can you tell me more about that?
Yes! The documentary is called Feeling Seen. My partner started working on it back in 2017 and it has been a labor of love ever since!
We are doing this project completely independently, meaning we have no major financial backers or a studio behind us. So everything gets funded either out of pocket or through crowdfunding. This is the third crowdfunding attempt we've made (we had a successful Kickstarter in 2018 and a less successful one last year) and it's been rough. People don't have money to spare, and while we understand, it's still hard.
We're hoping to use any money raised to finish the approximately 15 interviews we need to finish principal production on the film before we find major backers to fund the post-production process.
So far we've interviewed Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor (Xena and Gabrielle from Xena: Warrior Princess), cast and creators of "The Fosters", "One Day At A Time", and "Vida", and writers from "A League of Their Own". We've also interviewed Rosie O'Donnell and Lea DeLaria.
We're trying to get as close to $30,000 as we can, and we're about a quarter of the way there. You can go to www.feelingseenfilm.com if you would like to donate and find out more about the project, and follow us on Instagram.
What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?
I took out a big loan for school, and my mom told me to put some of it into a certificate of deposit or some other kind of thing I couldn't easily access and I didn't. I regret that every day.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?
I feel like I should say my dog, but if I'm being honest, concert tickets.
Do you have a retirement fund? If not, do you have a plan?
Hahahaha. I briefly had a retirement fund, but then I quit my job and that went away. Like Phoebe Buffay once said: "I don't even have a pla—" As a Millennial, I figure I won't get to retire anyway.
A lot of the women I have interviewed have said they don't expect to retire. It's pretty scary. Do you worry about your financial future?
I do worry about my financial future, but as someone who has chosen to go into a creative field who is also in a relationship with someone who is in a creative field, I know that planning for the future is practically impossible.
Plus, with the American economy being so precarious, it's hard to know what the end of the year will look like, let alone 30 or 40 years from now. Of course I hope for the opportunity to really save for when I'm older, but I simply don't see how.
What would you do with $10,000?
Pay off my credit card debt and put the rest in savings.
If you were me, what would you want to ask women about money?
I'm always curious what women were taught about money, especially as it relates to running a household.
Three of the four films I saw featured full-frontal female nudity, so apparently that’s a thing now. (The fourth film was Calamity Jane).
Something that feels essential to me, but seems super priveledged to other people, is my monthly Peloton membership. Since I got it about three years ago, I've never been more consistent with having movement in my life and it has made a world of difference in my mental health and my ability to burn off stress. I live somewhere with extremely cold and long winters and having the ability to workout at home is really huge for me. I would cut A LOT of expenses before I gave it up.
Absolutely would not give up my membership to the swimming pool at the bottom of my road. It works out around £1 a swim so is an absolute bargain as far as I’m concerned. Spotify too. Until I moved into my current place I owned over 1000 CDs (I used to work for HMV). Finally ditched them but couldn’t live without access to them all (and more!).