It's me. Hi.
+ the myth of balance and the joy of a Brabantia bin
I had so much I wanted to say this week, but I have a deadline today and worked over the weekend, so I’ll have to shorthand it for now and come back to the rest.
I’m skint. I’m almost up to my overdraft limit. I’m almost up to my credit card limits. You know that 10% savings plan I mentioned, oh, when was it? Last week? Yeah, I transferred all fifty quid of it back to my current account this morning because I needed to go to Tesco. Harry wanted me to meet him for lunch today because he has a big time gap at college and hates it and I had to say no because a) deadline and b) no money. So I feel guilty about that.
Mostly, I’m annoyed with myself for being here again. Even though I said I wouldn’t let this happen. It’s definitely better this time (I keep telling myself this) because I’m not hiding from it (apart from my credit score; I know that’s in the toilet, but I haven’t checked to see just how badly it’s going) and my mindset is better. No, it is. Honest. Mostly. Also I’m learning and that is good. But mostly what I’m learning is that I am living beyond my means. But my means are titchy. I’m working on it. Always working on it.
And it’s okay. We’re okay. I’m okay. I’m still so lucky. I’m still going places and doing things (I’ve cancelled some other things that I care about less1 in order to do the things I love to do more - this podcast is good on that subject) and we’ve got enough to eat and a roof over our heads. And the money fear is working as a work motivator, which is sort of good (more about that next week).
But I’m just so bloody sick of having to think about money all the time. (She says in the weekly money newsletter she writes.) (And loves.) (Although I have put off writing about this skintness because I don’t want people to judge me, even though I know most if not all of you won’t, and also what if you do?) (But the point of this newsletter was to write about my money journey and I’m currently a cartoon character who was riding in a car that gradually fell apart until they’re just clinging desperately to one remaining wheel.)
I would love it if you would consider becoming a paid subcriber and not just because of the skintness. This Monday newsletter and interview is free, but I’m writing a second post every Thursday for paid subscribers and I think so far they’ve been pretty good.
Also it would be great if you would tell your friends about this newsletter.
Maybe you’d like to buy me a coffee? (Or maybe you think I’ve had too much coffee already.)
An interview with… Susannah Conway
Susannah Conway is a writer and teacher who’s been sharing her heart online since 2006. Dedicated to helping people access their creative joy and nurture a deeper kinder relationship with themselves, Susannah’s online courses have been enjoyed by thousands of people from over 50 countries around the world. Her first book, This I Know: Notes on Unraveling the Heart, hit bookshelves in 2012. She currently lives in London, England, with her calico cat and a family of foxes in her garden.
Why do you think women are often reluctant to talk about money?
Historically nice girls don’t talk about money, they let their fathers and husbands take care of things like that. If we talk about money — if we actually have money and can look after ourselves — then we will have independence and power and can’t be kept small. That patriarchal control has never left us.
Personally I was never taught how to talk about money. I grew up in a working class family in an average town in the 80s. My parents divorced when I was 11 and we just never had enough money. There was a lot of making do and buying secondhand school uniforms which I hated. The only time money was ever talked about was in reference to not having enough of it.
These days I DO talk to my friends about money but that might be because so many of us are running our own businesses. We have framework to hang our money conversations on, perhaps? I’ve done a lot of work on taking the emotional charge out of money as a concept and let it just be neutral.
What is your relationship with money currently?
I deeply appreciate money and love being able to bring it into my life through the work I do. So so grateful for that!
I’m my 50 years on this planet I’ve experienced living on government benefits and being £20K in debt at my lowest, and making £200K in my business at my highest — and everything in between. Running your own business teaches you how to value yourself and your work but it’s not a lesson you learn just once.
In this current season of my life I’m loving what I do but also trying to find ways to have more balance, knowing that “balance” is bit of a myth, so what does it mean for me? This is my current question.
What’s your earliest money memory?
I’ve always thought I was bad at saving but I remember how I’d save any Christmas and birthday money I got (having a February birthday helped!) and buy something big. The best thing I bought was a stereo cassette recorder. God, I loved that thing so much!
What’s the biggest money mistake you’ve made?
I can’t think of an example of a mistake, but I was recently diagnosed with ADHD2 which explains SO MUCH about my tendency to spend impulsively.
What’s the best thing you’ve ever spent money on?
I took my sister and big nephew to the Stranger Things Experience last year and that was pretty epic! But in all honestly it’s my Brabantia bin. After a lifetime of making do with shitty old plastic bins in the kitchen I invested in a fancy pants steel bin 10 years ago and it STILL looks new. It’s easy to use, doesn’t take up much space and just makes me really happy. I love upgrading practical things so they last and last. I grew up making do with the cheapest of the cheap but it never lasts.
Do you have a pension? If not, do you have a plan?
No. And no. It’s one of the things on the long list of things I should think about but avoid. #truth. I don’t have kids but I also don’t have a partner (by choice) so that will impact my future — I don’t have anyone to share the costs with me.
What would you do with £10,000?
I’d put it straight into my “House Deposit” savings account. I’ve never owned property and I’d love to change that in the next few years. I’m ready to find my cosy forever nest by the sea.
Website / Instagram (for the foxes!)
RELATED POSTS:
Not you, Laura, if you’re reading this. I don’t care about you less, you’re just too far away.
There’s a new tagging system on Substack and I’m working through old posts tagging those mentioning ADHD, because it comes up a lot.
Hi Keris, just discovered you via Susannah 😍 Reading this post reminded me so much of the 15 years I lived in the UK, where life was expensive and I had a crappy relationship with money and always lived above my means. Which eventually resulted in £70K of debt. I totally had my head in the sand about it all and went from one consolidation loan to the next until, eventually, I declared bankruptcy. I was in my early 40s at the time and it was the most liberating thing I've ever done. What helped a lot was meeting my husband who was the first partner who did not judge me for my financial mess and instead asked "How can I help?" Seriously, those four words changed my life, and my relationship with money. I finally took responsibility and have been debt free (apart from mortgages) ever since. I just turned 60 and have had a six-figure business for the last five years. It's funny, I haven't really thought about this time in my life in a long time and writing about it here brings up all sorts of feels. Anyway, I hope my story encourages you to keep going, you have got this! xo
So interesting reading that back because now I'm a couple of years into my diagnosis I've been able to identify how ADHD has impacted me -- and impacts me -- in even more ways than i realised. I definitely need to write an ADHD update on my blog 👍
Ps. i still bloody love my bin 😍